Family Guy Quotes

• Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.(They all drink.)
• Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touch myself.Quagmire: Oh come on!

• Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.(Lois and Peter stare in silence)Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts. (Peter and Lois keep staring)Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs) Peter: Who was that guy?

• Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)I woke several hours later in a daze."

• Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear(Peter is in court)Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?Peter: I do........You bastard